1. |
Neruda (5.25.14)
02:28
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I gave myself the goal not to think of you tonight
And I broke it several times before the moon rise
It started with that book of Spanish poetry
It was the one about the opposites, it was about you and me
I couldn't help but read it in your melodic tones
Those syllables turned songs that I have come to know
And as it all sank in, I saw you lying bare
Exposed in every page, each one crafted with care
It seemed so very fitting to see you in this way
Illustrated in text on every dog-eared page
My mind just started racing my thoughts all formed with haste
With what you're doing right now and how does his skin taste?
But rather than take a late night swim in the bottle I've got stored
I left this empty home, which I've never done before
I walked around the city and I tried to say aloud
The things I always meant to but couldn't figure how
I couldn't say it right, no, I didn't have the prose
And suddenly it hit me, why I'm not the one you chose
So I tried to channel you and your metronome breaths
As the truth I searched for found me and stopped me in my tracks
I settled in a graveyard, I was alone in the dark
And in an adjacent apartment there was a kegger going on
So here I am between my death and all my mispent youth
And I'd rather just move past it than sit around and brood
So when you pick your head up from the chest you sleep on now
Just know that I'll be bitter all the way across town
My reluctance to let go lost to my apathetic grasp
Reconciled opposites at long last
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2. |
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What'd you put in your journal
When you wrote about last week?
The silence and the downhill slide
Or the things you need to tweak?
In less than ten minutes
You were able to walk away
Not a single tear was shed
Nor did we both embrace
And now every night is gone
Subject to memory
I hope in yours I'm noble
I'll remember my gritting teeth
So take every word you spoke
And put them back in your mouth
And if you find the sweetness gone
Then you've got this figured out
Me, I've got a fine tooth comb
And I'm searching for a clue
Looking for the origin point
To the arson of me and you
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3. |
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My biggest regret is that I'm your biggest mistake
And I know I'm wasting your time
With your every wore laid out in front of me
And your every look etched on my mind
It's now I see how much I messed up
And how messed up I am
I'm the captain to a capsizing ship
And I'm pulling down everyone I can
I'm not trying to remind you I exist
As long as I get a thought it's more than I deserve
I'm the clouds to your perfect day
And you're the calm to my storm
And I'm trying not to think about all these flaws of mine
Why don't you give me something to think about some time?
Aside from you and aside from your perfect life
Because it's always you that's always on my mind
Your silence speaks more than words
And my Unneeded voice falls flat
I've never fancied myself one for self-loathing
But hey, it seems I got pretty damn good at that
I can't deny it, I know it's my fault
I'm not trying to place the blame
But I love that you think my apologies aren't honest
And that "insincere" is engraved in my name
I wish I weren't the reason
Your whole life got thrown off track
But thank god it's so easy for you
To go your own way and never look back
So when the apple of your eye grows rotten
And the cuts from my spilled out heart won't heal
I'll take back my morning midwest mist
And return to you that coastal Carolina chill
I'm not trying to remind you I exist
As long as I get a thought it's more than I deserve
I'm the clouds to your perfect day
And you're the calm to my storm
And I'm trying not to think about all these flaws of mine
Why don't you give me something to think about some time?
Go ahead and fuck your perfect life
Because it's always you that's always on my mind
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4. |
Kitschy (2.20.16)
04:04
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I got a brand new motto
And it's better than my last one
This time i'm getting serious
I'm gonna get my shit together
But first i wrote a letter
To the faithless and the doubtful
To outline some of my finer points
But I couldn't find the words
So I retired early
And tallied in my brain
All the people I've ever loved
Who never loved me back
I've got a brand new motto
It's inscribed into your pillow
For the night you choose to come back next
So you have something new to read
I've been sleeping toward the middle
It's both restless and it's fitful
But I know how much you hate the cold
I've got a fire that's good for that
But now it's five am
And I haven't slept at all
So I arouse my coffee pot
And I settle in to think
I got a brand new motto
And i'll shout it from my rooftop
And when you hear this kitschy tune
You'll curse my lips, you won't sing along
And it's carved into my wall now
Like the outcasts and the shut ins
Whose diaries are completely full
But we still have more to say
You see my mind's this broken record
Fixed on the crackle in your throat
I've become my empty letter
I'm well meant, I'm undermined
I've got a brand new motto
While you got your shit together
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5. |
Wallflowers (11.9.12)
03:45
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Our breath hung in the air
As we shared our good nights
Then you turned around
And walked inside
And if our life's a mountain
Then we're going uphill
And it's tearing up my body
But I'm not standing still
We'll have to reach the peak
And we'll survey the land
And we'll be so happy
With this place where we stand
So remember those nights
Laying on our bed
With our hands and our feet entwined
Our bodies were fighting with our hearts
Over who'd been right this time
...And we were so innocent
And as I walk home
Thinking of what I should have said
I look up in the skies
And I see what's overhead
And if you're like the clouds
And you're floating way up high
You're coming into focus
Just before you're running dry
Off in the horizon
I'm seeing city lights
I'm hearing upbeat music
And the passion it ignites
So if the world keeps spinning
Just like us in this dance
They'll think we've got it together
At least at first glance
....But we are so ambivalent
And just when I think
You see me as conditional
I see that we are more
We're something that's invincible
So if we're like the stars
And we're shining in the sky
Then we're burning for each other
And we're burning every night
And even though
We're miles apart
The astronomers know
We belong together on a chart
I've got two dates on my tombstone
I'm gonna live what's in between
I'm hoping at the end
You're who's next to me
...and we will be so infinite
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6. |
Tuesday Night (3.15.16)
03:05
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I woke with alarm and a fear of smoke
Since the fire in our bed went out
You see I had a stupid dream
Where I had a stupid motto
That was good enough to shout out loud
But it's all made up
I know a mantra won't work
If i'm trying to get my shit in order
And if I'm being honest I spent most of my days dreaming
Of just getting us back together
Ten short minutes turned to six long weeks
And I've shed off a couple pounds
But I said i wouldn't bend
And I swore I wouldn't break
And started losing all my ground
Took a shot to my foot
Took a shot to my head
Both self inflicted and left my lying in bed
But I learned to walk again
I still stumble now and then
I sang all your songs
Because I hate myself
My life's become a public cry for help
As I white knuckle my drives at dust
The times I used to call you
I got a few letters that I never sent
And I wonder if you wanna read them
Because I haven't given up
And you must think i'm crazy
That's one point I can't contend
So get on your feet
And grab your favorite shoes
There's a world out there
we could set fire to
And dance on the ashes
I believe in second chances
But now I'm pounding my chest
And I am beating my drums
While you're sipping on wine, twiddling thumbs
On a casual Tuesday night
With no regrets in sight
I fixed myself up the perfect plan
With all these clues that I found
I've repeated myself for weeks on end
And you haven't heard any sound
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Captain Redbeard & The SS Friendship Columbus, Ohio
Away Message angst for a modern age
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