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lyrics

It's somehow 3am and I'm throwing up in a toilet
I'm not at all surprised this isn't from what I drank
I had one hand to play and I laid it on the table
You picked up both of yours and you reached for someone else

So now I'm overthinking every conversation
We had those years ago, I assumed you forgot about
Now I'm an expert from every sleepless night
That you spent in another bed dreaming

Turns out there's subtext between your every word
So you can run away when you're scared
Because a book that you read once said you missed your shot at love
And it turned your downward spiral internal

So you built a wall you like to hide behind
And act like you live some perfect life
Full of getting drunk and self-sabotage
And made up stories of when you felt alive

I think it's okay that I died today
Gave you my heart as you walked away
It beat along to your hurried steps
While you whistled a different tune
I kept on feeling numb
Which I've done for quite a while
And I follow everything you do
So I also walked away

So now I keep insisting that I'm scared of nothing
In an existential manner, an affirmation in the mirror
But then I realize it's actually how you see me
We're negative definitions, our opposites endure

I've gotten pretty good at embellishing stories
To make people feel the things I've lost
Now you've been demoted from a villain to macguffin
You're just another point in my plot

But now I'm masochistic and I need a heavy heart
To inject some feelings into my songs
So I started getting drunk and kept subverting myself
In the hopes that one day you might sing-a-long

You said it's okay that I tried today
That the things we build are all meant to break
You swear I could have seen it
If I took a breath or two
Now I'm tossing and I'm turning
I'm restless and deprived
This night is neverending
And with you that's no surprise

It's somehow 6am and i'm stranded on my couch
Wondering if I'll ever sleep again

credits

from Scared of Nothing: A Split, released August 25, 2017

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Captain Redbeard & The SS Friendship Columbus, Ohio

Away Message angst for a modern age

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