1. |
Bull Street
03:49
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I'll bet you didn't know I keep a box of your old letters
Stashed inside my closet next to old class notes
I read them tonight and I stared up at the ceiling
Going over every single word you wrote
I saw your love wrapped in every line of cursive
It's a feeling I haven't thought about in years
Do you still think what we did was for the better?
Do you smell decaying October in the air?
You used to write like there was only ever sunshine
Like those shadows took us by surprise
I used to think that the sun was always setting
And it's what put the sparkle in your eye
With the three hour car ride after all of my confessions
The week long silence when you shared yours
The subtle smirk at all our indescretions
The things that built us and soon became lore
We desecrated a sanctuary from the parking lot
In the backseat of your car
Just our bodies under burning stars
Now I notice those balls of light to which we owe our breath
Are absent unlike when they lit your breast
And I can feel your phantom forming
For the last time in the middle of the night
I know that you always dissapate in the coming morning light
So I turn my focus and I shift my head
To the body sleeping next to me, the breath that shares my bed
And soon she'll be gone and I'll be her ghost too
Call it a casualty in the life that we get through
But I'm scared of dying and I'm running out of time
To write some stories paired with words that rhyme
Back to the closet that's where shadows belong
I don't need your voice saying the things that I've done wrong
Your cursive loops are a noose for my throat
Did I forget that? Did I never really know?
The bags with my eyes carry you with me now
I can't make your sound fall out of my mouth
Good bye, good luck, I loved you, my dear
By the time she rises, you were never even here
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2. |
Standard Hall
03:43
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It's somehow 3am and I'm throwing up in a toilet
I'm not at all surprised this isn't from what I drank
I had one hand to play and I laid it on the table
You picked up both of yours and you reached for someone else
So now I'm overthinking every conversation
We had those years ago, I assumed you forgot about
Now I'm an expert from every sleepless night
That you spent in another bed dreaming
Turns out there's subtext between your every word
So you can run away when you're scared
Because a book that you read once said you missed your shot at love
And it turned your downward spiral internal
So you built a wall you like to hide behind
And act like you live some perfect life
Full of getting drunk and self-sabotage
And made up stories of when you felt alive
I think it's okay that I died today
Gave you my heart as you walked away
It beat along to your hurried steps
While you whistled a different tune
I kept on feeling numb
Which I've done for quite a while
And I follow everything you do
So I also walked away
So now I keep insisting that I'm scared of nothing
In an existential manner, an affirmation in the mirror
But then I realize it's actually how you see me
We're negative definitions, our opposites endure
I've gotten pretty good at embellishing stories
To make people feel the things I've lost
Now you've been demoted from a villain to macguffin
You're just another point in my plot
But now I'm masochistic and I need a heavy heart
To inject some feelings into my songs
So I started getting drunk and kept subverting myself
In the hopes that one day you might sing-a-long
You said it's okay that I tried today
That the things we build are all meant to break
You swear I could have seen it
If I took a breath or two
Now I'm tossing and I'm turning
I'm restless and deprived
This night is neverending
And with you that's no surprise
It's somehow 6am and i'm stranded on my couch
Wondering if I'll ever sleep again
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3. |
Wheeling, WV
03:40
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A better man than me could write about anything
I've just got a well that I'll drink from 'till I drown
"You're apathetic," you point out coldly
"I think we make quite a pair"
The words you're saying all sound so distant
As they tumble off your tongue and hit my ear
We settled in a little room where light and value are sparse
Because the things we always tell ourselves
Always blend in so much better
When they're locked in with the dark
So tell me a secret, because I need to know
If deep down you're as fearful as me
I'll share a go-to, one everyone knows
But all seem to forget eventually
"How blessed are we.." you say
"to be nobodies?
So the weight of the world can't sit on our shoulders"
I disagree, "I think it does, Why else would I feel this suffocated?"
Then you shrug it off and you turn away
And I stay on my back and start to worry
Because I think we're being short-changed in the quarter of a life
That we've worked for years to earn
But if we're still feeling lonely as we start to dig our graves
Then tell me, what is it we never learned?
And it took your broken body, which I never gave a name
To give me a place to occupy
Because the air you're breathing with your sleeping breathes
Is all I need to keep on getting by
I've got friends that are getting married, I've got friends who talk to God
And I just talk to myself
Because at the end of the day it still feels easier
Than saying my thoughts are somewhere else
Because I was tired when we started darling, now I'm just worn out
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4. |
Not Caleb - Choke
04:16
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Okay, don't choke
You seem to treat life like some sick joke
You're scared you won't like the way this goes
Open your eyes or take this drunk kid home
Get your car on the road
You've had plenty of time but you're still broke
From thinking drinking will cure this cold
When you know you've got a long way to go
So, stop blaming yourself
For things you know you can't control
So, let it go
She's gone
Okay, don't choke
You saw her smile when you told that joke
You might feel better if you take her home
But, it's just easier if you
don't choke
You heard her laughing when you told that joke
You won't feel better if you take her home
And it's just easier if you don't
Yeah, it's just easier if you don't
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5. |
Not Caleb - Moby Dick
02:58
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I've been thinking about this one scene
in How I Met Your Mother
When Lilly is pregnant, dressed as Moby Dick
and sobbing as all of her friends scattered
Growing older has got me tired; I can't stay out as late as I used to
And, my ambitions are losing their appetite
Or maybe I was never hungry for anything
My best friend got engaged to his best friend
The others are in something serious
I haven't heard from Joey lately, but I can feel him close to me
Growing older has got me thinking
Don't go, let's stay up
because I don't know when I'll see you again.
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6. |
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When the lights are turned off; you get used to seeing nothing at all.
So, hold on to what you think you have. If you close your eyes, it will all be gone. And, be fair to ones you think you love, because in the end, they are all you've got.
When your mind shuts off; you get used to knowing nothing at all.
If you know you're lost, don't try to run, just keep your place and you will be found soon. Just know there is no easy way. If you can't take anymore, it doesn't mean there is nothing left for you.
Just keep your head up
When your heart just stops, keep your head up.
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Captain Redbeard & The SS Friendship Columbus, Ohio
Away Message angst for a modern age
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